Apr 22 2018
So, I was chatting to this cat the other day.
You know how it is with cats. I was coming out of Bill’s fish and chip shop on the seafront, he was sitting outside begging. I gave him a bit of cod. We got chatting. Cats are like that.
Anyway, he was a fascinating cat. Turns out he was very old. And Austrian. And once he got a bit of cod, it was hard to stop him talking. The conversation went like this…
CAT: I used to be pretty famous you know. Back in the 30s I was all over the papers.
ME: What for? You weren’t a magician were you? Or a magician’s cat? More cod?
CAT: Mmmm please. No, I was a physicists cat. Though to be honest, he didn’t treat me terribly well. He actually got famous by locking me in a box one time and trying to poison me.
ME: The bastard! Did you survive?
CAT: It was touch and go. At one point I was alive. One point I was dead. Most of the time I was a bizarre mixture of both waiting for an observer to look at me and decide my fate. Went from 9 lives to 6 in that box, I’m telling you. More cod please.
ME: You know what, I know just what you mean. I got invited to a Golden Wedding the other week, and asked to do some magic too. I was a guest, a magician, and often both at the same time. Look – I’ve got some photos on my phone – look at the confusion in my face – can’t decide who am I!
CAT: They’re nice. Is that you doing magic for your own daughter there and being a bizarre mixture of daddy and magician at the same time?
ME: Sure is.
CAT: You know you ought to publish those. Make a phlog of them.
ME: Thank you. I will. And in honour of your old scientist mate, I’ll name it after him. What was he called?
CAT: Erwin. Call it Erwin’s phlog. Hold on. Use his surname. It’s got an accent in it. It’ll make your phlog seem exotic.
ME: Cheers. Here finish this cod, you inspirational little feline.
CAT: Thanks Jack. You do realise that you’re hallucinating this whole thing. Cats don’t live to 90. Austrian cats don’t speak English. If you ask me, that bizarre mixture of codeine based cough medicine, Lemsip and spiced rum you’ve taken seems to have let your mind run away from you. Cheers for the cod though. Have a safe journey home. Good luck explaining the empty fish and chip boxes to your family.
ME: Hmmm. Good points furry boy. Still going to phlog those photos though.