If At First…

I’m not very good at football. When I used to play five-a-side I took great solace in the fact that there was an overweight guy that was a worse player than me. Being the 9th best player on the pitch was something I could live with. However, when Fray Bentos left the group (not his real name) I realised I couldn’t carry on much longer.  It all came to a head when one time I missed the ball entirely and kicked my other foot. The shame, and the broken toe, and Fray’s departure, led me to quit this short lived pastime.

“If at first you don’t succeed try, try, try again”, some would say. And I would respond with “Bollocks. If you don’t succeed, find something you’re good at instead”. Football got added to the list of things never to try again along with archery, keyhole surgery, hostage negotiating, and fashioning marzipan animals.

On the other hand, I’ve sometimes stumbled across something I’m quite good at. I think a better phrase would be “If at first you do succeed, then practice loads until you absolutely kick ass at it”.

For example, when I found I had an uncanny ability to make really good eggy bread, I honed my technique more. My “oueffy pain” (I prefer the French) is to die for.

Magic is similar for me. It’s worth putting in the effort to really kick ass at.

I don’t have too many talents (close up magic, quality eggy bread, topping up windscreen washers and devastatingly good sexual technique) but I try to make sure I’m always as good as I can be at them.

And I don’t give a stuff about the stuff I suck at.