Not a Blog

This is not a blog!

You should probably just stop reading right now.

(Certainly if you’re used to the usual award winning mix of wit, self promotion and theory of astonishment, then you’re going to be very disappointed. Seriously, you’re not missing out by clicking away. I won’t be offended)

You’re still reading? Expecting it to pick up after that disappointing start? It’s not going to. But at least allow me to explain myself…

It’s all about the SEO

Yep. It’s that shallow.

I had a quick Google of “North East Magician” and I was second page. No one ever reads the second page. This is gutting. Poor SEO, means fewer clicks, fewer bookings, less lobster thermidor. You get the picture.

How to fix it? Well, word is that Google loves a freshly updated site. “If your SEO is seriously tanking, then a well timed blog will improve your ranking”. Or so goes the rhyme anyway.

The problem is, that witty blogs don’t just write themselves you know. And the few half baked ideas I had could never be panned out to fill a whole blog.

(Idea 1: How much I dislike the use of the phrase ‘slaw. It’s bloody coleslaw idiots. You can’t just ditch the start of a word for the fun of it. “Hey, I’m a ‘gician. Want to see some ‘gic”? Ridiculous.

Idea 2: The latest Arctic Monkey’s album is really disappointing. Stick with what you know lads. Don’t expect you fans to go wild over a 70s tinged piano album about the moon when they’re expecting guitar driven angst like your last masterpiece. In the same vein, I’m not going to ditch card tricks to become an escapologist. You gotta play to your strengths)

Yep, barrel scrapingly poor ideas.

So, desperate times call for desperate measures. Hence this pathetic excuse to keep the site updated and hopefully push me back onto the first page.

In the unlikely event that you have read through to the bottom, I applaud your resolve. I told you it wasn’t going to get any better. Little wit. Nothing at all to do with magic. No hidden depths. Sorry. This was purely for the Google Crawlbots. Who I’m hoping aren’t too fussy when it comes to content.

Normal service will resume soon. Once I have a half decent ‘dea.