“Listicles” are a portmanteau of “list” and “article”. They’re bloody everywhere at the minute. So, here’s my attempt to jump on that bandwagon….

15 things that magicians always hear….

1. I ordered the pudding with custard not ice cream (Sorry to hear that, but I’m actually not a waiter, I’m a close up magician)

2. Do you know Dynamo (I’m afraid not, though he seems a lovely chap. I’ve got the edge on him though!)

3. Can you stick a card to the ceiling (yes, but I’m not going to now! Ruins the surprise if you know what’s coming!)

4. Where are the toilets (I don’t work here! I’m not a waiter, I’m doing close up magic. However, they’re over there)

5. Let me look up your sleeves (There’s nothing dodgy up there! I’d roll them up, but I’d look too “Miami Vice”)

6. Does the steak come with chips or jacket potato? (I’m not a waiter!)

7. Can I show you a trick? (You may, but I have very high standards. It is possible that I may be less impressed than you’d like me to be!)

8. That’s not my card! (You little scamp! We both know that it is)

9. OK, what am I thinking now? (Probably that I can’t really read minds. Which to be honest is totally true!)

10. Do you saw women in half? (Yes. Lengthways)

11. Can I be your Debbie McGee? (I’m flattered sir, but I don’t think that’s a good idea. For either of us)

12. Can I have the sticky toffee pudding please? (For the last time, I’m not.. Oh stuff it. Would you like ice cream or custard with that?)

13. No Way! That’s freaking amazing! (Well you must have expected a bit of trumpet blowing in the list!)

14. and finally…….

15. Can you make my wife disappear? (This raises so many issues, I may make it a blog to itself!)